halloween beaver jokes

Apparently I'm number six for Dogpile's halloween beaver jokes


ooookkkaaayyy....

Pete the Comedian

Pete is so funny, and what's really funny is sometimes she doesn't know she's being funny. Cases in point:

1. I'm listening to my ipod (the greatest present ever, I tell ya!) last night, singing aloud as I'm cleaning up. Pete says, "Mom... Mom... Mom, Daddy's asking you a question." Now hubs won't look at me, which should have been a clue for me.
"What?" Quipped I.
"Daddy want to know what you did with the money," she says earnestly.`
At which point, hubs keeps a straight face, but still won't look at me.

2. "Do you like fish?" and sticks her tongue out with good on it. (Get it- do you like seafood, food you sea, fish is seafood?) This one was locational- you had to be there.

3. Tonight, We're going over her spelling words. She twirling around the living room, spelling up a storm , when she says, "I know these like the back of my head."

She's everyone's Ed McMahon, I tell ya.

Damn, I need a life....

How many of you spend more than an hour a day on the computer- surfing, reading and whatnot?

Damn, I need a life....

Hero

I think we all need a hero. Sir David Attenborough is mine. He's got the best job on the planet. Travels the world shooting pictures of the world. Ever see Blue Planet, Seas of Life? That's him. What about Jurassic Park? The old guy? That's not Sir David, it's his brother, Sir Richard. Guy's in his 70's out on boats in the Artic and shit. So cool. If this whole teacher thing doesn't work, I might go work for him, or become an astronaut, I can't decide.
I really am impressed with song writers, and writers in general, too. Some days I feel like a linguistic retard, my words sound like a 6 year old writes them. I write like I dance, just banging away.
I just wonder sometimes what it would be like to have the ability to string words together and have them flow like.... chocolate.... water in a bubbling stream, wind through the trees... What must it feel like to know that your words can make someone like me very still... evoking such images... make me just fall into a story. We all have our gifts, I suppose, and I'm sure glad there are people out there with such fine literary skills. Let me know when you need to be impressed with my scientific (il)literacy, we'll trade favors.

Another music post

I have memories for songs, like many of us. I remember when Queen's album News of the World came out. My cousins and my sister and I would sit on the floor of our bedroom, under the window, learning the words to the songs. My aunt gave us each a quarter to learn the words to Bohemian Rhapsody. I was 8.
I remember listening to Christopher Cross's "Sailing" and Captain Hook's "Spending the Night Together" (my mother thought I was too young for that one...) We had a green Pinto, and since there were 5 of us, I always had to ride in the hatchback part. "Another One Bites the Dust"- remember that? "Life's Been Good" by Joe Walsh- we used to get high to that one. Oh, and the summer it all began- I was 10 and listened to Kiss all the time!
When I was 13, my parents ran a Shamrock gas station in Houston. There was a guy, Jeff, that asked my parents if he could ask their daughter out. Of course, they thought he was talking about my older sister... Anyway, she dated him, they got along fine, we were all pretty good friends. The summer Back in Black came out, Jeff drove this little yellow pickup with yellow, orange, and red stripes down the side. We wore out two cassettes of that album, we listened to it so much. I hear "Giving the Dog a Bone" and when it's over I listen for the 1st notes of "Have a Drink on Me"
The Joshua Tree came out about the time I was 18. Man, I loved that album. I drove to Okrakoke Island one Easter weekend in a Fiero listening to that album. I can hardly stand to listen to it now, I'm not a big fan of their music anymore.
And here's a little known fact- I'm a closet Willie Nelson fan. "Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain", "Hello Walls" "Always on My Mind" Whenever I hear his music, I flash back to when I was 14, swimming at Lake Houston, dancing at Magnolia Gardens, riding on the back of a motorcycle, playing softball, my sister and I hanging out with our boyfriends (who were brothers. She had crappy taste tho- he used to smack her around)
A few random memories

My girlfriend and I listening to Melissa Etheridge until we were crazy and ready to leave our husbands- talk about the power of music!

Some of my favorite ... Ahem... "moments" with my husband include loud rock and roll.

Introducing, instructing my eldest on good music- we've succeeded, he loves music as much as the hubs and I do. It's Pete's turn soon.

Of course, some days the only thing that keeps me from screaming is my ipod (the best present ever, I tell ya!) I keep a few CDs of classical music at school that I listen to during class time. I have a compilation of "relaxing piano music" that's nice, plus some Bach, Wagner, and Beethoven.

I used to want to learn to play the piano so I could learn to play "No one is to Blame"

A day without music is a waste...

I love being in the class room. I wish I could express how right it feels for me there- I'm not nervous, or unsure of myself, I don't doubt my actions. I know I have an important things to do. I like teenagers, mostly. I like the way they think, their spunky-ness. I don't really mind grading papers, it's the price I pay for doing what I love. Even some of the other stuff doesn't bother me-phone calls, work shops, faculty meetings. Most teachers will tell you that they internally assess themselves as they go along- I wish I could explain electricity better, that was a great demo, that worksheet could be better, etc.

Here's what chaps my ass- I have to create a series of goals of how I'm going to increase test scores for my area. Ok, yeah, they need to go up, and I always want to improve my skills, but folks, where, oh where, is there a politician, or council member, or principal that will demand that kids, (and subsequently) their parents, are responsible, for their own learning? People are welcome in my room any time. If they have an opinion- let's hear it. But, I can look through my test scores, student by student, and tell you why 90% failed- homework, studying, paying attention, absenteeism. The other 10%- I should've worked harder. That's my goal-reach those guys.

I really need to remember:

I am only in control of myself.
I can only change myself.
I am in charge of my day.

When Eric jumps in my head...

Oh, man, bad dreams suck.

I'm stuck in a gas station/ truck stop kind of thing with my girls and there are ZOMBIES trying to get in at us. We have food and all, but for some reason I don't trust the people in there with me. So, in addition to trying to keep us safe from the the flesh monsters, I'm trying to keep my girls safe, too. For some reason I'm trying to hide sewing needles in my pocket and put up supplies in my "bedroom" that has magically appeared in the gas station. It ends with me in a huge public bathroom, the walls and stalls are orange, I've got my backpack and then I'm standing on the side of a road at dusk, a girl in each hand, a cop pulling up in his car, and me thinking, "God, I hope he's not psycho."

**shudder**

Let's go surfing now....

The party was a blast! Lots to do, the kids were kept happy and busy, even if Hubs did stick his finger up Spongbob's sponghole... my favorite part was definitely the surfing pictures...

Here's Pete:




















Damn, they grow up fast....

A Close Encounters Moment

Remember Close Encounters of the 3rd Kind? Who doesn't? The irresistable desire to create that which we see in our dreams lives in all of us... even little ole me. Here is my rendition of Mashed Potato Mountain, created for Pete's 3rd grade class:

Whirlwind of a day

Today is Pete's party.

1. get presents
2. get cake
3. get printer cartridge
4. get supplies
5. visit with R.'s family showing up early
6. set up supplies
7. make sure all of house is clean

At the party:

1. name tags mystery- kids get their new hawaiin name, with the meaning on their backs. They have to ask questions to figure out the meaning.
2. Get their picture made "surfing"
3. Make lifesaver bracelets
4. make friendships anklets
5. make paper leis.
6. make water bracelets
7. eat dogs and burgers
8. cake and presents
9. pinanta and candy as their parting gifts
10. Whew!

Think 3 hours is enough?

Damn, where's the alcohol? Midol? Geritol?

Thank you, Thank you very much

Since it is my favorite holiday....

Your Haloween Costume Should Be

Elvis

What Should You Be For Halloween?

Stupid bastard

(CNN) -- Blaming the United States for instigating U.N. Security Council sanctions against it, North Korea on Tuesday called the resolution approved over the weekend a "declaration of war."
North Korea's Foreign Ministry said in a statement carried by the official Korean Central News Agency that the country wants "peace but is not afraid of war."
The North "vehemently denounces the resolution, a product of the U.S. hostile policy toward (the North) and totally refutes it," the statement said, according to a report from The Associated Press.

Bring it on you effing shithead. Kim Jong II gave up any right to breathe the same atmosphere as the rest of us humans years ago when he began to allow the children in his nation to starve to death or die from drinking sewer water just to line his pockets with more money. I say we nuke that stupid bastard to oblivion and let South Korea have it. Declaration of War, my aching ass. I'll give you a declaration of war you pissheaded fucktard asshat!

I feel lazy

I was lamenting the fact that I just don't seem to be getting as much done lately to a very good friend of mine. She reminded me that I'm not- I'm only teaching, raising three children, keeping up with a house, and trying to have time for my self. I'm not going to school anymore, and no one is playing a sport right now. Huh, I really am living a life of decadence right now.
I did, however, tell my principal that I would like to teach a calculus based physics class if the chance ever arose... man, that would be awesome... the calculus teahcer and I could co-teach it, have our classes back to back. Way cool.

Pete trips 'round the sun again...

So, the middle one turns 9 today. There have always been computers, CDs, The Shuttle, and my red car in her life. She loves music, cheerleading, softball, and church. She very good at math, reading, and art. She broke her leg falling out of the shower at the beginning of kindergarten. She loved my mother very much, and still mourns her passing. Sometimes, when I look at her, it's like looking in a magic mirror and seeing myself at her age. She chases boys, and knocks them down, she thinks that hurting people is wrong. She is a fierce protector and a steadfast friend. If you are her friend, you are always her friend. She is not afraid of roller coasters or bugs (well, not very much, anyway.) She walked and got her first tooth the week she turned 13 months. She was 6 weeks preemie and almost died. Twice. You'd never know that now. She is the child I thought I'd never have, the daughter I always wanted.


Much love, my girl....

Another day begins, with the air cleared. My morning duty at school is done, so that's 30 minutes I don't have to stand around with my thumb up my ass telling kids they for the 5th day in a row can't come into the building until 10 after. Anybody watch Battlestar? Cliffhangers- love 'em, hate 'em!
Time to get up and go to school now.

The weekend

The Boy took his SAT yesterday. This makes 3 times. He took the PSAT twice. It took 5 hours to take the test! Damn, my head would have imploded. The new version of the SAT has a writing component, which accounts for the increased time. He was a little quiet after that. Said he thought he did better on his math portion. Said he had a problem like this: (can't remember exactly what it was, and he is still asleep)
x= wyz
w= y-5
z= y+1

I said, cool, you substitute and solve. He then proceeded to tell me how he figured out using logic. He has surpassed me in math. That's my boy!

I don't remember my SAT taking that long. Hell, the GRE didn't take that long. Well, maybe it did. I took the computer version. The computer decided your level of difficulty and then stayed there. I had never been so ready to pick up a monitor and through it through a glass wall in my life! All those math problems with 6 different people with 6 different shirts boinking 6 different animals in six different countries and you had to figure it all out. Then, I found out that it was the other two parts of the test that colleges look at. I did well enough to be accepted, so all's well.

Pete is doing much better. She still coughs a little, but the nebulizer is doing the trick. Re-Pete is coughing this morning, but it's a booger cough, not a dry cough, so I can handle that.

We're having an island party for Pete next week- she's turning 9. We're making lei's (sp?), life saver anklets, water bracelets, spouting off her volcano, surfing, hula hooping, giving ourselves Hawaiian names, but she says she doesn't want to limbo. Hmm. We'll work on that.

The Fray

Reckless Abandon Feels Good

I've said it before- I love my Ipod. I would get an implant in my head for music if I could. Dial up what I wanted and rock on. We just got The Fray's new (only?) album and I downloaded to my little toon box (thanks for the term, Ellison). So, I'm jamming today. Now, alot of it sounds the same, but "Over My Head" is pretty cool. I 'm in my back/store/torture room connected to my classroom getting ready for the day and "Over My Head" starts playing and I'm singing along and start dancing with reckless abandon- hips going here, arms going there, dancing around the room. Now, you know what happens when you're dancing with reckless abandon, don't you? Yes, Someone Important walks in. Sure enough, the principal on my hall walks in on me. And laughs, says he's got the video now and he's gonna show it at the Christmas party. I might have to show up for this year. Well, I've gotten a good laugh out if it all day.

Don't try this at home

Well, okay, you can do it, but make sure you're outside- and light it at night.

You need
-an empty plastic large water bottle (like you use in the water dispensers), 5 gallons at least.
Yes, it must be plastic
-15 ml of rubbing alcohol. Too much more than that and it won't work. This is about 3-4 capfuls.
-a temporary lid for the bottle
- a yard stick/ meter stick/ long stick
-a dry popsicle stick, or a long match

1. Pour the alcohol into the bottle. Twirl and swirl to coat the inside of the bottle. This will help it evaporate quickly.
2. Put the lid on it and let it sit for 10 minutes to let the alcohol really evaporate.
3. In the mean time, tape the popsicle stick so that it hangs at a 45 to 90 degree angle or so from the end of the yard/meter/long stick.
4. Go someplace where there is no overhang. This looks really awesome at night.
5. Light the hanging end of the little stick.
6. Take the lid off the bottle.
7. Stay back at arms length, carefully put the lit end into the plastic bottle and WATCH!

Sometimes you can get a second one to go off. If you want to "reset" the bottle and do it again- wait to let it cool for a few minutes. Pour out the water at the bottom of the bottle. Yes, it's water. Pour 10-15 ml of alcohol in, swish, sit, light, repeat.

Bear in mind- this happens kinda fast and comes out of the bottle. Stay back, stay back, stay back. Have proper fire retardant available.

You will be tempted to add more alcohol to the bottle than what is stated here. Do that, and you WONT acheive the right balance.

I want pictures.

Remember the number one fire safety rule- Fire Hot, Burn Skin.

Here's your homework- where'd the water come from when it was done?

Have you ever....

You ever take a crap so big that your internal organs have to adjust their position afterwards? That you feel empty? How about one where 20 minutes later you're hungry cuz all that shit moved so far down the line? And peeled the paint in the bathroom? The smell made you a little nauseous? You back tracked to remember what you'd eaten in the last 24 hours?

Me neither.

The Few. The Proud.

My son and I talked to a recruiter tonight about joining the marines. The Boy says there are several reasons to join, not just to pay for college. I say get some college and join as an officer. Get an ROTC scholarship, maybe military college. He tells me tonight he might skip college, join the marines after high school, go to college while in the marines. What do all you guys think?

And there she goes...

I tell people that if they knew me 20 years ago, they wouldn't have liked me. That statement makes two assumptions- that people like me now, and that they give a shit.
If you had walked into my house 10 years ago you would have seen a mess, I didn't care if it was clean and was quite happy to chat with friends over coffee and have a hodge podge life.
Then we decided to try for another child. We ended up on fertility drugs (these do not make you sane, take my word for it) but no baby. The doctor told me we would never get pregnant again. I cried for a month. Then I had a dream that my father was in a sarcophagus bathed in red light and I was holding a child. Two weeks later we found out I was pregnant and about 6 weeks later my father died. That was, hands down, the roughest time of my life. I remember finding myself washing the walls in the corner of my parents kitchen, not really knowing how I got there. Pete was 6 weeks preemie and needed surgery to survive. She spent 7 weeks in the hospital. This really changed my life. I started to value things/people differently. Those of you who have had a child or loved one almost die know what I'm talking about. The importance I had placed on things and the value that I had assigned myself changed. I found I wanted more order in my life. I also believed in myself more. Why? Because I gave the care to Pete that kept her alive. I gave her her meds, took her vital signs, pumped the milk that sustained her. Took care of her jujenostomy bag, kept up with her weight and progress. Potent, that. A real kick in the ass to get me started. Then I met a woman who had more experiences by that time that most people have in their life- gulf war vet, hematologist, airplane disaster coordinator, rock climber, mother of 5, created beauty wherever she went, funny and irreverent. Damn. I thought, hey, I could do some of that. For the first time in my life, I started trying new things. Painting, decorating, being brave. Some people said I was too busy. Some people said they wanted the old Holder back. Some people said- you go girl. I became a power unto my self. Didn't need anyone. Fuck you. I was strong and invincible. What's that they say about pride? Yeah. I had a plan. Life spiraled out of control. The, my mother died, and I was alone.

I remember this really old cartoon I saw once in black and white. The guy was saying "I don't wanna be happy, I wanna be sad." Some happy elves covered him in color or something and he ended up saying, "I wanna be happy, I don't wanna be sad." That's me some days- I want to be happy, but a curtain, no a heavy atmosphere, of sadness envelopes me, and I'm just ceratin that I am unworthy. And then I'm lost for a few days.

How Nice

Two women, a socialite and a southern belles, are in the recovery room, having both jusr given birth.
"When I said my first child, my husband bought me a 10 carat diamond ring, becuase I deserve the best," said the socalite.
"How nice" said the southern belle.
"When I had my second child, my husband bought me a gold plated Mercedes Benz, because I deserve the very best."
"How nice" chimed the belle.
"Now that I've had my third child, my husband is buying me an island in the Caribbean, because I deserve the very best."
"How nice"
"What did you husband buy you?" The socialite asked the southern bell.
"Well, when I had my 1st child, my husband sent me to Charm school."
"Charm schhol? What on Earth for?"
"So I could learn to say things like 'How nice' " said the belle, "When what I really mean is, Who gives a shit "

How cute

Here's a really crappy pix of Re-Pete and my nephew. She had gathered several items to play with- her blanket, the Etch-a-Sketch, safety goggles, etc, climbed up in his lap and proceeded to dominate his time for about an hour. Of course, I just sat back and enjoyed it. He is awesome. Loves the kids. He and his friend and my son are off on their own for awhile.
One of the funniest things to happen- My son loves to play poker and wanted to get a game going, but we didn't have any chips. Being the only one sober, he was elected to drive the two marines to the local Megamart to purchase the chips. Keep in mind that he hasn't driven since January, and hadn't had that much practice anyway. So, he's weaving a bit in the lane, when they pass one of our local finest. R. says, hey wouldn't it be funny if he pulled us over? And then.... yep, the cop gets behind them and pulls them over. The two marines are both 20, drunkish. I'm sure my son's ass was leaving crease marks on the seat he was squeezing so tight. The man walks up nice and easy and says, "Hey, is anyone 21 in this car?" No Sir. "Well, good, cause I thought you were drunk" This was said to the only sober boy in the car. Well, they got let off with a warning, changed drivers, and proceeded to the store. My nephew and his pal decide to ride bikes inside the store and get screamed at by a stock-girl. But they made it home and played their poker.
Life is good.
More pictures to follow as soon as I can get my camera and computer to talk to each other....

It just gets better

So we spent the morning back at the doctors office. The pneumonia has progressed. A few blood tests later and she is diagnosed with walking pnuemonia, caused by a mycoplasma, or some such shit. Anyway, we're on a different antibiotic and breathing treatments. Great. Anyway, the doctor assures us she will be fine in a few days. Here's to quarantine! Well, at least I have alcohol....

I am all a-quiver! Imagine what it would be like on Mars. Hell we don't have to imagine anymore. We can see it whenever we want Here or here. Holy sheep shit! I sooo want to go to Mars. Here's a few delightful pictures. The 1st one is an arial view from the Mars Orbitor and shows and incredible canyon. The next one shows Opportunity's view point of the same canyon.
I suspect that the explorers of this continent must have felt the same way I do about seeing things for the first time. Or maybe the first time someone was up in an airplane looking down. How very, very incredible this images are. That crater is big enough to put 4 or 5 football stadiums inside it. Wow!

They're coming

Pete's fever was back up to 103 last night. But she's ok as of now. Hope that shot works.

The marines are landing tonight. The house is gonna rock! Pictures to follow...

insurance and a yo-yo

Spent the better part of the day taking Pete to various medical institutions. Went to the doctor for the fever and cough, had to have an x-ray- go to the outpatient center. Had to go back to the doctor, had to get a shot, go back to the hospital. Spent from 9 am to shortly after 2. My insurance company will only pay for certain tests and shots at the hospital. Poor girl's got pneumonia and I had to drag her around town because of insurance. The folks at her school were really sweet, though. Her teacher is great, already had all her work ready for me to pick up.
We hope Pete will be better by Saturday. If not, we're back to the doctor. Anybody know how long it takes Rocephin to kick in? Cough medicine isn't helping and she can't stop coughing.

Somedays it just takes beer...

to make it through the day without going on a mad killing spree. Beer or music. Today I have music. Yeah, I know teachers are supposed to be all nice and sweet, loving, always giving encouragement. In the words of John Travolta in Michael- "I'm not that kind of Teacher". It's high school, folks. We expect to to come to class, do your work, and take responsibility for your actions. If you cut class and get caught because you're a ding-dong, don't go lying and whining to your parents and expect to get out of trouble. Also, if you take someone's work and erase their name and put yours on it, you should
1. make sure you don't sit in the front of the class,
2. wait until the assignment has been passed out,
3. change the rest of the effing handwriting as well.
And, btw, I will not forget about calling you parents just because you said you were sorry and would try to do better

So then, I get home and there is a check for .45. Yes, 45 cents. From a dividend from some stock that my father had. The father that died almost 10 years ago. The check says His Name, deceased. Fuck a duck, holy sheep shit, son of a bitch! This pisses me off. So, I call the 800 number, ole Lawrence says, "How are you today?" "Well, I was fine until I got a 45 cent check for my father that's been dead for close to 10 years." Silence. "Oh, I'm sorry."( Well, to be honest, what kind of response could he have politely made? "And that's my fault because ....?")
I called these people about two years ago and told them he was dead, cancel the stock, do whatever. F'ing retards.

Any way, I'm jamming to some music, maybe I need a walk.

Thanks for listening, just needed to rant.

On a funny note- Re-Pete was singing "Stop, in the mid-dle, be-fore you steal my heart" earlier. Such a card. Pete still has a fever, but not as high. The Boy is in the running for STAR student. All he has to do is make the highest SAT score. He made an 1860 last time. Someone else made a 1920, so he has his work cut out for him. Of course, I told him I should be his STAR teacher since I'd been teaching him all his life. Yeah, that'll happen.

Sick days

Pete's at home with a 103 fever. Not good. It's not strep or the flu, that's good. Doc says she got some type of viral upeer respiratory infection. She's cranky, sore, clingy, did I mention cranky? I just got her to lay on the couch for 25 minutes of sleep. She hasn't moved or made a sound in about 10 minutes, so I hope she's finally nodded off. This could last up to 5 days. Is it me or does it seem that the viral infections are getting worse these days? When our oldest was small, he didn't seem to get sick for a week to seven days at a clip, with a fever and such. Poor girl. Popsicle, anyone?

On the side- I seem to have changed my settings on my counter, hmmm. Does that mean half of you never really came here? How bizarre.

Mars and my next career

If this teaching thing doesn't pan out after another 17 years, I might become a rocket scientist, or an astronaut. Maybe just be the chick that processes the pictures from space missions. There are some things that I just don't know enough about. Mars, for example. Don't know about you, but I could just surf at the local Mars picture place for hours on end. Imagine looking out your window at this sunset:

So surreal, and it would last about two hours, folks. When you walked aroung outside, albeit with an artificial atmosphere around you, this is what you'd see:

The red-hued pictures are probably the most accurate. If you didn't know any better, some of these pictures were from Earth, maybe somewhere in California, or a tidal basin in Florida.