Gravestones, Worms & Dirt, and Poison Control

Pete, my sweet girl, has seen her 1st decade gone, and moves into the tumultuous teenager years. It was a rocky road with our son, I can only imagine how it will be with my Drama Queen.
The party went well, with 10 kids and a few adults. It was manageable and I didn't feel like I'd pull all my hair out.
1st the kids got "tombstones" to paint their own silly epitaphs. I missed it, but the kids seemed to have a good time. Musical tombstones came and went, and Dracula teeth were given as prizes. One of the little boys, a 5 year old who I don't think can eat a meal without wearing part of it around his mouth, decided to eat his worms and dirt with his fangs still in his mouth. Yuck! Good thing my adorable husband was there to clean that nasty mess up.

Then, it got interesting when I got to call poison control. Pete got her inhaler and took 8 doses of Albuterol. Her heart was just racing. She then got to be still for the rest of the evening, with lots of whining and gnashing of teeth. We've had several conversations already about medicine.

I'm looking forward to her next decade, I tell ya.

A fun book

That Terrible Halloween Night, by James Stevenson, was a lot of fun to read to my favorite class of 4 year olds....

My advice

I wish I has a pithy post for you guys tonight. Something inspiring and funny. I will, instead, tell you my goal for my students:

To love science. To go see, wonder, and question. To grab hold of a puzzle and not let go until it is solved. To find the one thing they just have to do, then spend the rest of their life doing it to the best of their ability. To think critically. To take responsibility for their actions.

Excuse while I go take my own advice....

Notorius

I admit it, I don't clean like I used to. I'm also notorious for playing jokes on my kids. I got to combine the two when I finally got around to cleaning one of of ceiling fans. Checkit:

I called Re-Pete over and said "Look what I got out of Daddy's belly button!"

Re-Pete: "Ewwwww!"

followed by: "I wanna hold it!"

Pete, the ever practical one, said : "You did not!"

I love my life

random thoughts

Random thought #1


I was walking the dog through my neighborhood today. It's a nice neighborhood. Some people take really good care of their yards, some not so good. Most of the kids are pretty cool. But, someone broke a glass bottle in the road, shards galore. So I'm walking Riley and I see the glass strewn about. I try to get him to go around, but oh, no! He smells something on the other side of it and away he goes right through it. Here's the thing. All 4 of his feet missed the glass completely. How did that happen that a dog that can't look down as he passes over a thing can stride through glass and not get cut? Those are some mad navigational skills, bro. And some people think dogs are stupid?





Random thought #2





Shit I never ever need to see again:






Even if those scary claims about these freaks turn out to be not true, even a 6 inch spider running at 10 mph is gonna make me shit my pants.

Random thought #3

Living in a small town is a mixed blessing. Sure everyone knows you, but damn, everyone knows you..

For Zonker

Life by the drop Stevie Ray Vaughan

Ror your listening pleasure

Your welcome

Home, with Children

It was so great seeing everyone. I got to hang with some fine people, for real. I think my favorite part was Saturday afternoon hanging by the river. Someone said Key and Georgia flashed all the guys while in the river. Musta missed that, I'd never do anything like that. Erica was really fun, didn't get to see her near as much. We went to some place Friday night, damn, there was just too much noise! I've got a picture of my hubby with his face near a sheep's butt, anyone want to see it? My friend Michelle, the blogless one (for now) fit right in, I'm happy to say. Joan did a great job with her booty (not that one, I have no information about that) and her stories. I loved hearing Eric reciting Robert Service, and Ellison gave us a Warhead in the Taint. I even loved the caricatures, hope to see some on the web. Hint hint. But there were some drunkass people Saturday night. You should get Zonker to tell you about the neighbors!. If he'll ever blog that is. I still suck at half-rubber, it seems.
Jay, the counterman at the hotel, said we were pretty quiet this year. Except for Friday late night on the balcony. I wonder who that was.

Do you love me?

One thing I jave tried to instill in my girls- a love of music. It worked with the Marine, but he never wanted to dance with me. Pete and Re-Pete are a different story though. Here's the song in our head these days:
Don't pretend you don't want to get up and shake your thang!

go here

www.supergurl.net

superfriends, indeed.

Well kiss my ass and do it yourself

Here at HofUK, we try to be pleasant.
Actually, I don't give a fuck if you like me. If you're a candy ass and can't stand up for yourself, well then, that's a personal problem. If you can't handle me telling you I disagree with you, well, again, not my problem. And if you can't handle a woman with a strong personality, tough shit.

I don't go out of my way to be a bitch, but I get a tired of changing my ways because I don't want to offend. Too bad.


ok, where's my wine?

A radical idea

I was thinking about Jesus the other day. No, stay with me, I'm not religious.
I don't remember a lot of my history, but here's what I remember, correct me if I'm wrong

He main idea was this-

All people are valuable and lovable and worthy of consideration.

Imagine how radical that was at the time. There were two kinds of people. The Pharaohs and the slaves. Slaves were worthless and and the Pharaohs gave their well-being not an ounce of thought. Hell, these guys married their family and thought of children as small adults. Not much of a sense of sense of humanity.

and here was Jesus saying, "Treat others nicely" and "take care of your family" and "you deserve to be loved and respected"

No wonder he was killed.

United We Stand

I wish there was more of that in this country- the united-ness, I mean. When did it become us against them? Such a shame, really. What do you think Thomas Jefferson would say about this state of affairs?

When did that happen?

I looked in the mirror the other day and noticed something very strange about myself.
I now look like an adult.
It's depressing really. I don't feel like an adult. I damn sure don't usually act like an adult.
When did this happen? And what's next? Will I need to dress like an old woman, with my waist band up under my tits? Can a blue rinse be far behind? Hell, I still day dream about... well, never mind what I day dream about. But I really don't think old people do that anymore. Something to do with their sciatica.
And if I'm an old person now, how come I still have small children. i didn't sign up for this shit.
I need to go see Redneck and have a day of fishing and drink beer.
Or go visit Eric and shoot something, preferably old, like an old squirrel or Zombie.
Or Supergurl and kick some serious piece-of-shit ass for her.
Or Erica and do some alternate parking, whatever the hell that is.

With apologies to James Taylor

In my mind I'm goin' to Chalet Kristy
Can't you just hear the ice crack
swimming in the artillery punch
I'd love to hear from the friends of mine
Who'll being sharing a drink or five
Oh, We're going to Chalet Kristy
Next Week this time!

a lever of a different sort

We studying simple machines now and instead of doing the same ole "this is a shovel, it is a 3rd class lever" I decided to spice things up and tell them a story***:

"Imagine, if you will, that you have moved to Jersey (not New Jersey) and you get a job with your "family". Your uncle/capo asks you to have a chat with one of your competitors, out in the woods, with a buddy. So's the three (pronounced "tree") of youse are walking with shovels, as you do, when suddenly from behind a tree jumps a Zombie!"

Then I assume the proper Beat-the-Shit-Outta-da-Zombie pose

"But youse is ready" Wham!

"Now, what kinda lever was I usin'?"

Discussion ensues. One of students even improves my stance and posture so's in case I meet another of them Zombies.

Then I says:
"So your done with the Zombie. You take care of your competition, now youse gotta hide the evidence."

I start "digging a hole"

'What kinda lever I got now?" (You say that like your Paulie)

This is why I'm such a great teacher...

***With proper respect to Jimbo and Eric, of course

from my sister

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gettin' laid!

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

All in a days work

One of the policies at our school is that we call the parent of any child with a failing grade before the report card comes out. Which is indeed a good idea.
They also want:
-Weekly teacher meetings per subject area and content area
-Intervention strategies implented and documented for students who are not passing
-plan for a least a week ahead with a new set of standards, that don't match the book or its resources
-Hold tutoring sessions
-Go to extracurricular activities
-eat lunch in the lunch room, not our classrooms,
-have 1-2 9week duty stations for 25-30 minutes daily
-mentor new teachers
-mentor 2-5 students
- and teach 55 minutes every day.
-grade papers
-post grades to the grading program


I think I'm gonna need two Geritols a day...