finger licking nasty

Imagine, if you will, a teacher passing out a worksheet to her eager students. Her fingers are dry, she can't get the papers in the stack to separate. What to do? Yes, shesticks out her tongue and licks her finger, then parses out stacks of papers, enough for each row. Each row has its own "finger-lick". Which is nasty beyond discussion.

Yes, I confess, I did that up until a few years ago. When it occured to me how nasty that action is. And I enlisted my student's aide- every time I licked my finger in preparation to pass out papers, the kids were to say, quite vocally I insisted, "EWWWWWWW!"

It did not take me long to break myself of that habit.

Fast forward to this week, I'm sitting in a classroom as a student, increasing in depth my understanding of electricity...electric pressure... color coding pressure changes throughout series and parallel circuits.. feeling like the class had some pretty good moments... laughing with my co-workers.. getting some good ideas.
But...
Every time that professor went to pass out papers... EWWWWWWW!!!... she had to lick her finger to get the papers going... at first I didn't notice, I sat in the back. Then she rearranged us and then I sat in the front of a row... fuck.

It was like listening to talented singer sing your favorite song...with spinach in her teeth...

going back

I was back at my old Alma Mater today, taking a class for teachers. In the old physics building I'd spent so much time in, in the very class room where I learned from some of the greatest professors ever! I would argue with one, Dr. De Mayo, and he would go get some stuff and make me do whatever he was telling us about. One time he told us we could pull a car out a ditch using just a rope and a tree. The trick, I learned after hooking up my friend's Rather Large King Cab Truck to the rope and tree, is to push the rope perpendicular to the direction you want the truck to move. In other words, sideways. I've never had to pull my own car out, but it's nice to know I could.

Then there was Killer Keller, he always had a lit cigarette in one hand, gesticulating with it like a pointer. Saying things like (while jabbing at the green chalkboard with his smoke) "This damn part of the equation means.... whatever he was talking about. People could still smoke in buildings then, even in the halls. Don't remember if I did. Most likely.

Dr. Powell always has a corny joke, been teaching for 42 years now, long as I've been alive. He's probably forgotten more about astronomy that I'll ever know...

There were a few sad memories there too. My husband and I had been married about 5 years and were having difficulties getting along. Things were very rocky, we split up for a few months. All the while I sat in that building, in that classroom, pondering our life, learning some ugly truths about what we were both capable of, some important truths about myself. Mainly that even though I did not need a man in my life to be whole, I damn sure wanted that man in my life.

I walked through those halls sort of expecting something to happen. I don't really know what. Maybe I thought I would have some sort of epiphany there. I felt a different-ness in my awareness, though. Like I was looking for something. That expectation has hung around me all day, like the old cigarette smell of yesterdays...

I wonder what tomorrow will bring...

A Rheally Good Margarita

Equal parts of Tequila, Triple Sec, and frozen Limeade added to a blender, to which you add ice and pulse to your heart's delight...

Damn.... I'm drunk....

but the world is a fine place to live in these days....

Update: perhaps that ratio was a bit too strong. Good grief, what a headache.

Surprises

When Re-Pete was small she hated dirt. She would protest every time you put her in the grass. It was dirty. And she didn't like water either. Bath time was not much fun, either, after her second birthday. And it took a couple of years to get her on the steps of a pool, she wanted nothing to do with the deep end. Last year she would play on the steps or cling to you as if you were her last hope.

I despaired that she would ever learn to swim....

Until yesterday.

We went swimming at a friend's house. We came prepared with sunscreen and water wings.
First, she jumped off the steps with her water wings on, but it wasn't long before she was jumping off the side of the pool sans water wings. Going completely under water and every thing. She even swam a bit under water.

Color me speechless.

What a difference a year makes, eh?

Where's Freud when you need him?

So I'm at this party at a house. There are people everywhere. Mostly long haired men, some with pot bellies, some missing teeth. It's at a house that's seen better years, all the windows are thrown open to the summer night, the doors are too. Everyone is standing around in the yellowish sodium light glow. There's a line of people, all men, waiting to get in the house. They are excited about something. Apparently there is a Whore, an African Whore, inside. And she's giving spankings.
To get in the house to get to the fridge for a beer, you have to cut through the line. So I'm trying to cut, when a man starts talking to me. He's got really stringy hair tied up with a bread tie. And Coke-bottle glasses. And he's telling me, very earnestly that "Sex is just such a serious thing for me. See, I still live at home with my mom, so whenever I have sex, it's really serious" Like his mom is there when he has sex or something. Which makes me start snickering at him. I tried to hide my smirk behind my hair, but I think he saw it. I just couldn't wait to tell Amy. I turn around and go inside and there she is, watching the African Whore give men spankings. And I'm laughing at the absurdity of it and what Creepy-Boy just told me and I'm trying to whisper in her ear above the very loud music what just happened and then...... I woke up. Laughing.

To Infinity and Beyond

Re-Pete is 6 1/2 and is starting to not be a baby any more. She is also figuring out her place in the world, and trying to understand some difficult concepts. Right now she is struggling with "infinity" and what it means. I think she thinks of it as a place in the order of numbers, she keeps asking what the last number is, and then has to question us about it. Today she wanted to know


"What comes after infinity?"
"How can there be infinity if there is nothing after it?" (Isn't that a good question?)
"What number is right before infinity?"

But the one that really cracked me up was when she asked, as if some one had been keeping secrets from her:

"How come they didn't tell us about this in Kindergarten?"

Vaccinated by a phonograph needle

My mother used to say I talked so much I must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle. God, how that makes me laugh now! I just thought she was being a boring mom....



Until Pete turned 9. And she hasn't stopped talking since. Man, that girl can babble! Talk the ears off a brass monkey, talk the green offa grass, paint offa walls, you name it.



I picked her up from summer camp yesterday and she began her soliliquoy (or however you spell that damn word). She told me everything each boy had said, and what her teachers said, and what she ate, and how she felt about it.



7 minutes later we were at the grocery store. She told me her opinion about every food we passed, how much she loved it, her memories of eating a particular food. In detail.



Finally, once my ears had started bleeding, I said, "You're talking too much."



She said, " I know, but you're the only one I can say this to. I know it's just going in one ear and out the other, but I just have to tell you."



I can't argue with that.



But I think I'm gonna need some better ear plugs.



And to think, Re-Pete will be 9 in 2 1/2 years.

Got my toes in the water, **** in the sand

In 33 days I'll be here, reliving some very fond memories and making a few more. Hilton Head is one of my favorite places to go.











Doing this.....



(Those are not my toes. I don't have any pictures of my toes in the sand, I'll have to do something about that) And that's Florida sand, maybe from the Gulf side...

I'll probably be channeling Kenny Chesney and Zac Brown...









Hoping to see a friend for dinner and a drink or two (and maybe Karaoke) who's moving far, far away very soon. Seems like all my friends who live in South Carolina move far, far away. I'll sing some Zac Brown if he'll come to dinner with us...





And then a few days later, I'll be out here again, enjoying the company of some very fine people.



And then we'll all be singing Zac Brown by nightfall....

The next 4 weeks are going to be sooooo long!

Skittle Fingers and Black and Blue

Pete and Re-Pete convinced me to polish their toesies. Some days they just want nice and normal. Other days, they want something a little different.
Behold:




Here we have Black and Blue. Pete does not do pink. She prefers cutoffs and tank tops with flip flops. Just like her mother....

Re-Pete is still in Pink Mode. She decided to go for Skittle Fingers, all the colors mixed.

And Mom? Just red this time. I originally put black on, but I cannot seem to like black nails, as much as I try...

Note to Self, #626

When ironing naked, take a step back and do the work with your arms extended fully.

Reaping what you sow..

Pete and Re-Pete were brushing their teeth tonight when Pete asked Re-Pete to turn on the water in the sink they have to share.

"No, you do it, you're not lazy and you can reach" was Re-Pete's reply.

A minute or so later....

Re-Pete asks Pete to hand her the toothpaste. Aaaaaaand, Pete said "No, do it yourself!"

It took all about 3 seconds before Re-Pete was in the living room complaining about her lack of help from her sister.

Heh. I told her I didn't blame her sister. I wouldn't help her either.

Funny little things keep happening in my life, Re-Pete with give us a one and only Queen of Obvious Quote, or she'll fall asleep in what looks like an impossible sleeping position. (On that note, let me note that she has stopped insisting that she doesn't sleep at night. I don't know whether to be happy about that or not. It's good because she is growing up, but it's bad for the exact same reason) Or one of my students will say something really goofy, or else I will: odds are even on both of those happening
.
And every time those things happen, I think, "oooh, I should blog that" and then it dissappears into the deep recesses of my brain.

I can tell you, since the hole is fresh in my mouth, that I finally had that tooth pulled. The dentist informed my that the tooth really wasn't worth saving.

Anyways, the extraction was very strange. The dentist came in and asked me if I wanted to be awake or asleep for the process.
Holy shit! my butt clenched all the way through the seat, I think.
I got scared. How bad was it going to be that one of my options was to be asleep for it? Once he told me it wouldn't hurt I was good with being awake. First he shoved one way, then he shoved another way, then he tugged and CRACK! I thought he had broken the tooth. But that was just the sound of it coming out... Turned out to be not so bad at all. Until the anethesia wore off. I'm very thankful for Vicodin....

I hope I never have another tooth pulled...

My class is great! Except for a few hiccups- the worst one being the air. See, the thermostat is stuck in a little alcove, along with the emergency shower and eye wash station. I'll go ahead and mention that my computer and subsequent power outlet are less than 2 feet from said shower and eye wash. So if anybody ever needs to use it, they'll probably get electrocuted and the thermostat will need to be replaced! There is also no air flow into the alcove or in the rest of the front of the room (where I spend about 10 minutes out of every 60), so it stays a little warmer there. So, you guessed it, everyone in the actual classroom room is freezing while I'm sweating my ass off.

Oh, and one of my students decided to show up 15 minutes late from break reeking of cigarette smoke. Yeah.

We're running through the curriculum like our hair is on fire and our asses are catching. Or is it our ass is on fire and our hair is catching? Or maybe our feet are on fire and our asses are catching... Now I'm confused....

But it was a great 1st day....!

Imagine what we'll know tomorrow...

I'm trying to remember a quote from Men in Black. Tommy Lee Jones is telling Will Smith about all the things we didn't know in the past, and can you imagine what we'll know tomorrow. Okay, do any of you guys know the quote? Help a girl out...


In other news, the other shoe has not dropped yet and my life continues to be awesome. May yours be as well!

Good Morning

Good Day to you gentle men and women, I hope today dawns bright and shiny and full of great things for you.
So far so good, here. My DOE class has started, and I'm enjoying it. There are several bumps so far, but it's a brand new program and those are to be expected. I think I'm going to like this, and hope I impress my bosses. Life is shaping up well.

It's times like these, when life is going great, that I look around, hold my breath, and wait for the disaster...

Waffle House Hashbrowns

So today's Waffle House Experience was Less Than Satisfying.

Every now and again, I get a Jones for some scattered hashbrowns. Typically, I get the Hubba to bring home a box of the dehydrated ones and cook them myownself, since I like 'em the way I cook them.
But I wanted some NOW and decided to go in and get me some...You would think that since I have such a long history with the place I would have lost my desire to eat anything from there....
I swear, some Jackass with psychic powers knew I was coming there and wanted to play a nasty prank on me... and my nerves were already worn thin....

Have you heard the Waffle House songs? The very first one was actually sung by Joe Rogers Jrs Wife, he being the son of one of the guys who started the place, Joe Senior. Joe Jr's wife, whose name escapes me at the moment, was rumored to be a Vegas showgirl when they met. I like the idea of that... She sang the first song along with Real Waflle House Employees. I was not invited, but I know a few of the people on the record. I used to know all the words....

Good Morning (Good morning!)
Come on in (Believe I will)
Coffee's good, fresh and hot, How 'bout a cup? (I'll have a cup)
I said Good Morning (Good Morning) The Waffle House Waaaay,
We've got eggs any way you 'em, 24 hours a day!

Ok, that's enough of that....

The aforementioned Jackass decided to play each and every sons-a-bitching one of the newer versions... There are hip-hop, country, and rock versions....

And each one is worst than the last...

Combine those hideous songs with loud-ass people, waitresses who are intent on making as much noise as possible while putting away dishes and a cook who is beating out a a high-pitched staccato on the grill with his metal spatula along side two small girls who absolutely insist on pushing each others buttons (along with mine) and top it off with shitty coffee and you get the 17.2 minutes I spent in that place.

At least the hashbrowns were good.

No room for the Summer-Time Blues

ok, it's the end of the the year, as I know it (and I feel fine).

Some years I dread the summer, nothing to do but spend money.... and no planned way of making extra money. But not this year. I'm teaching for two weeks for the DOE, remediating kids for their graduation test. I have heard this is the first year this has been done, so we'll see how it goes.I want to go a great job, get all my kids ready to pass the test and impress the DOE with my skillz. I want them to remember my name for future tasks or jobs...
And, the best part? I get to help teach a class to teachers this year!!!! It's been a dream of mine to teach teachers. Ideally, I would like to go into elementary schools and teach the standards (the information we are passing on to the kids) to the teachers, complete with Power Points, labs, worksheets, and evaluations. I had asked one of the college teachers for the last several summers to keep me in mind if she needed a lab assistant, thinking this would be a good way to get my foot in the door. So she contacted me and asked if I would like to help. Oh, heck yeah!!!

Now I have 6 out of 8 weeks planned this summer, including my almost-week in Texas this year! This is definitely going to be a great summer.

Woohoo!

Something really great just happened- I got the summer job I wanted, for a nice fat paycheck and supplies for my school!!! Alright Holder!!!!

Out of the mouths of Petes

My darling husband is a district manager for a famous chain of restaurant's around here. Some of the waitresses have reached a certain (expiration) point where they number of tattoos they have starts to exceed the number of teeth..One of the guys there refers to them as TNT- "Toothless and Tattooed".

Keep that in mind...

Last night at dinner I was telling the girls that I had a tooth that I would either need a root canal for or get it pulled. Since it's in the very back of my mouth and will cost me about $900 for the root canal, I'm leaning towards just getting the damn thing pulled. That's more than I paid for my first car. (Damn, that makes me old....)

So Pete the Eleven says, "Great, then you'll be a Toothless Wonder!"

Great.

I loved college during my undergraduate years. It was such an eye-opening experience. As it should be, I guess. I was already married and had my son (Hi, Y'all!) and had finally moved away from my parents. ...Heh, it's funny that is should take 20 odd years to see that... and I finally felt like I was doing something relevant. I took early world history with a guy who could read cuneiform. He also had us read letters and diaries of people living in the history of the time. I loved that class! I took the professor out to lunch afterwards as a way to say thanks for all I got out of the class.
Then there was the philosophy class I took. That man could piss off his students! He would start class by saying something like"Women don't think". And off they'd go- puffing up and demanding he explain himself. Turns out what he meant was, "Women intuit, men reason". It's true. I can do the whole "here's my reasoning" thing, but most days I just "know" the answer. He also recommended that we periodically fell in love with a stranger, but I don't remember why.... But I will admit to a few crushes I suddenly found myself with...

All those science classes, going on field trips for the weekend with upper level geology classes. We went to Graves mountain in North Georgia looking for Rutile, basically banging on some very hard rock looking for an elusive metal. We found some pyrophyllite, though. Once we slept in the bathrooms of a State park in Mississippi after an ice storm cut off the power. I once sat on a swing set in the middle of the night with my professor, Dick (Really, that's his name!), getting drunk and drunker in Alabama. He is one of the coolest guys I've ever met.

I can't wait to get back in college...