Thursday, December 11, 2008


3 Doors Down has a song with the lines

"Your mistakes do not define you, they tell you who you're not"

I'll think of the name of the song soon. Tip of the tongue and all that.

I've been thinking about that line and how it could be true.

I am my own harshest critic, something I'm sorry to say I've passed on to my children. I can still remember and beat myself up about the stupidest shit.

For instance.

I love hearing about how couples meet. It's so romantic to hear about. One fine day I was sitting at the lunch table with several other teachers and we were all talking about the first time we meet our spouses (all of us being married) when Ole Dumbass Here asked the youngest of us, "So tell us about the first time you slept with your wife."

You could have heard a pin drop.

I was so embarrassed. It wasn't what I meant to say. I wasn't even thinking about it. (At least not consciously. But he was a newlywed, so mayhaps that was were it came from). He got really offended, and our friendship forever changed.

That happened about 12 years ago. And I'm still embarrassed and pissed off at myself for having said that. Every time I think about that day, the words "Stupid Shit", "Dumb Ass", and other derogatory words pop into my head unbidden. It would be nice to finally forgive myself.

I haven't seen the guy in years, he has long since moved out of teaching, every now and again the memory will rise and smite me. I would still love the chance to tell him I'm sorry.


Anonymous said...

..... he deserved it.... it was a terrible question..... and he should have not asked it...

Joan of Argghh! said...

Holder, I just caught myself this morning berating myself for messing up a bit of my makeup during my morning ritual.

I thought, "I wouldn't talk to my worst enemy that way."

Not to mention the cringing things I've said unintentionally. I do feel your pain. Oh, yeah.

It only hurts so much because you are such a sweetheart. Let that little pain remind you of your soft heart and gentle ways and be comforted that you're not a hardhearted wretch.

And then, forgive yourself one more time.


Holder said...

What sucks, Eric, is that I asked him, not the other way around. Yeah, it was a terrible question.

Thanks, Joan, I needed that.

Carmelo Garcia said...

Wow, I must be a rareity at 28yrs old because if youd've asked me that question I would've thought it was hilarious, and lol.

Please don't bother yourself with a person like that -Dumbassery is laughable not criminalizing.

That brings me to think... this is the first post that I've actually commented on with such adamance.

Anyway, [might have struck a chord] why are people so easily offended!? I hope I'm not offending anyone now but people need to chillax and have fun... after all it was only a question, and that person should'nt have ended burned a bridge over a question like that -especially in the teaching profession (his reaction must show his intellectual immaturity -how old was he anyway?).

After-all, you're better off. I can feel your pain, but only for a millisecond, because I despise those people, so quick to be offended, even more than I can beat-myself-up over.

Sex is natural and in that situation should've been laughed off by the bigger person. Don't bother thinking about it so much -resign the whole experience to a person you really don't want in your daily life any way [trust me]. It's more of a hassle and this character isn't worth your contemplation and self critique. :)

== daym, that was long -"mybad" ==