3 Doors Down has a song with the lines
"Your mistakes do not define you, they tell you who you're not"
I'll think of the name of the song soon. Tip of the tongue and all that.
I've been thinking about that line and how it could be true.
I am my own harshest critic, something I'm sorry to say I've passed on to my children. I can still remember and beat myself up about the stupidest shit.
I love hearing about how couples meet. It's so romantic to hear about. One fine day I was sitting at the lunch table with several other teachers and we were all talking about the first time we meet our spouses (all of us being married) when Ole Dumbass Here asked the youngest of us, "So tell us about the first time you slept with your wife."
You could have heard a pin drop.
I was so embarrassed. It wasn't what I meant to say. I wasn't even thinking about it. (At least not consciously. But he was a newlywed, so mayhaps that was were it came from). He got really offended, and our friendship forever changed.
That happened about 12 years ago. And I'm still embarrassed and pissed off at myself for having said that. Every time I think about that day, the words "Stupid Shit", "Dumb Ass", and other derogatory words pop into my head unbidden. It would be nice to finally forgive myself.
I haven't seen the guy in years, he has long since moved out of teaching, every now and again the memory will rise and smite me. I would still love the chance to tell him I'm sorry.