Thursday, May 06, 2010

Risky business

At my work, the toilet is unisex. It's also an industrial strength flusher. If anyone ever sat down on that thing and got a good seal on it before they flushed...Well, let's just say the results would be something like you'd see in a bad B-flick about some guy who wants revenge on his ex-high school buddies, invites them over, sucks the intestines out of one poor schmuck's ass with his toilet, killes the next one with a Cuisineart, the two lovers with a flying blade that impales them like a couple of olives on a toothpick....

wait. What was I talking about?

Oh, the toilet. It's loud,  and did I mention automatic? When you sit, you don't so much as sit as you assume a runner's stance in the starter block. As soon as you are done, you have to grab your britches and lunge forward so that when it flushes you don't get soaked from the spray that will come out of that baby. Which is nasty to contemplate, no?

Get this- not every one washes their hands! I'll wait while you get over the skeeves.
So I walk in to the little anter room right outside the bathroom, see the light under the door. I wait my turn.
Three things happen:
1. The toilet flushes.
2. I think- about thirty seconds to washe hands and-
3. A man walks out.

This all happened in about two seconds.


He left the lid up, and the sink was completely dry, but he managed to turn off the light.

I grabbed a wad of paper towels, shut the door, locked the door, turned on the lights, lowered the damn seat, did my business. Washed my damn hands, grabbed more towels, dried my hands, used the towels to open the door, turn off the light, and then open the anter room door.

Gross, yuck, ickly, nasty, glech!

Some days I hate working with other people.


Harper said...

Automatic butt spraying flushers are a horror movie for my 3-year old. Won't go anywhere near them.

On the other hand, my 7-year old loves public bathrooms, for some unknown reason. It's as if she needs to know what is behind every door in a building. Luckily, she has perfected the foot flush and always uses her hand towel or, in their absence, her shirt to open the door. You aren't alone in your neurosis.

Anonymous said...

... on a completely different note, I DID watch one of those "is it true" shows the other day where they talked about someone's intestines getting sucked out by a flushing toilet....

... turns out it was a true story.... although, the poor flushee was an old aged pensioner - so I doubt her guts had the "sticking" power of us younger generation, but still..... can you imagine?....

... poor ole girl...