Conversations with Re-Pete

I spent most of my Sonny Money today. That's money ($100) that we teachers get from Sonny Perdue to help offset some of the money we spend throughout the school year. I really like it because it gives us a chance to buy stuff at a decent price. I bought some balloons that science supplies charge us waaay too much for at the local MegaMart for a third of the price. I generally use 75-100 balloons a year, so it adds up.My county doesn't easily reinburse us for incidental purchases for stuff like lab supplies. (Because I got this money I will not say anything negative about Sonny today.) I also got a DVD player. I show 5 or 6 clips a year, so for 30 bucks I don't have to walk to the other side of the campus to get a player. I had all my money planned out, down to almost the full amount. But they charged me tax! I asked why and was told "This stuff is not considered school supplies". But that's a matter of perspective isn't it?



I went to Home Depot to get some plain white board, which they cut down for me to use as small dry erase boards for my classes.

Did you know that the Home Depot has monthly Kid Classes? They have projects the kids complete. This time she got to make a flag holder- with a burlap like fabric and an Olympics sticker. And they gave her a small orange apron with her name, and a kid Craft pin with a ittly bitty picture of the flag holder she'd made. That was sooooo cute! We had a great time making it. Can't wait to go back next month! Surely I can think of some thing to buy every month at Home Depot....



As we got home and were unloading our purchases, I farted. Not a bad one, just a fart. As you do. So I did what any good mother would do- I blamed Re-Pete. Out loud. Here's what she had to say:

....And Keep in Mind, she is the Queen of Obvious....

"I know I didn't fawt. "Cuz I can feel it when it comes out- ptt-ptt-ptt. Sometimes I squeeze my cheeks together (Yes, she really said cheeks. I think I need therapy now) and feel it."

Me- "Are you sure? Some times they slip out?" I say this because I really just want to know what she's gonna say next...

"Yes, I know. Sometimes I squeeze so hard it comes out of my ba-gina"

At this point I just speechless and trying not to laugh.

Did I mention we're getting new neighbors? Yes, we are. And one of them, a male, happened to be outside, mere feet away for the whole of this conversation. He was smiling and not making eye contact. I can just imagine what he was thinking.

I know I say I want her to grow up and be independent, but that also means these kinds of conversations will end. That's not a fair trade off to me.

Y'all have a good weekend.

TMI

One evening last week, my darling hubs brought home crab legs for dinner.

I love me some crab laigs!

Uhmm, I'm allergic to them, sometimes. But it's a crap shoot, or maybe I should say crab shoot as to whether or not I'll have a reaction. This time I did, my head hurt like you would not effing believe. I told my students they could probably get away with murder if they would. just. be. quiet. The headache went away, but I don't think I want any more crab legs. My department head said he's never heard of anyone having a crab hangover. Funny.

So yesterday afternoon I get a rumbly feeling in abdominal area. I wait for the BM commencement warning, but then I get the worst farts I have ever smelled. Seriously.

Seriously.
I was appalled. What could possible have crawled up my ass and died to produce that bad of a smell? I made the dog leave the room. Seriously. I let one rip- a loud bap-bap-bap-bap-bap, the dog raised his nose and sniffed in excitement. Instead he sneezed and trotted off into the next room.
Traitor.

Re-Pete, whom I lovingly refer to as the "Up-My-Butt-Baby" was walking right behind me when bap-bap-bap-bap-bap, "Ewwww! Mommy" and then she started wiping her face, like something had gotten on her.

I cracked up again writing this!

Hubba told me if I woke him up tonight he was moving to the couch. He said he hoped he could wake up. We slept with the windows open so I wouldn't poison us both.

I was so disgusted with my self. But, strangely, perversely, proud at the same time.
Who could I share this experience with, someone who could appreciate a good fart? The list is rather short, I'm afraid.

When I woke up this morning, glad I hadn't poisoned myself, I felt better, no ruminations.
Then I got the signal-
BM commencing in 10 ....

Damn. That sucker was impressive. I swear I heard my uterus exclaim,"Who moved out? There's a lot more room in here now"

Suddenly, my stomach is empty and my center of gravity has shifted..