Sunday, May 20, 2007

TMI

One evening last week, my darling hubs brought home crab legs for dinner.

I love me some crab laigs!

Uhmm, I'm allergic to them, sometimes. But it's a crap shoot, or maybe I should say crab shoot as to whether or not I'll have a reaction. This time I did, my head hurt like you would not effing believe. I told my students they could probably get away with murder if they would. just. be. quiet. The headache went away, but I don't think I want any more crab legs. My department head said he's never heard of anyone having a crab hangover. Funny.

So yesterday afternoon I get a rumbly feeling in abdominal area. I wait for the BM commencement warning, but then I get the worst farts I have ever smelled. Seriously.

Seriously.
I was appalled. What could possible have crawled up my ass and died to produce that bad of a smell? I made the dog leave the room. Seriously. I let one rip- a loud bap-bap-bap-bap-bap, the dog raised his nose and sniffed in excitement. Instead he sneezed and trotted off into the next room.
Traitor.

Re-Pete, whom I lovingly refer to as the "Up-My-Butt-Baby" was walking right behind me when bap-bap-bap-bap-bap, "Ewwww! Mommy" and then she started wiping her face, like something had gotten on her.

I cracked up again writing this!

Hubba told me if I woke him up tonight he was moving to the couch. He said he hoped he could wake up. We slept with the windows open so I wouldn't poison us both.

I was so disgusted with my self. But, strangely, perversely, proud at the same time.
Who could I share this experience with, someone who could appreciate a good fart? The list is rather short, I'm afraid.

When I woke up this morning, glad I hadn't poisoned myself, I felt better, no ruminations.
Then I got the signal-
BM commencing in 10 ....

Damn. That sucker was impressive. I swear I heard my uterus exclaim,"Who moved out? There's a lot more room in here now"

Suddenly, my stomach is empty and my center of gravity has shifted..

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

... good God, woman.....

Erica said...

Oy. Were you at least blowing them in the general directions of either San Francisco or Cuba?

Omnibus Driver said...

Priceless!