Sunday, May 20, 2007


One evening last week, my darling hubs brought home crab legs for dinner.

I love me some crab laigs!

Uhmm, I'm allergic to them, sometimes. But it's a crap shoot, or maybe I should say crab shoot as to whether or not I'll have a reaction. This time I did, my head hurt like you would not effing believe. I told my students they could probably get away with murder if they would. just. be. quiet. The headache went away, but I don't think I want any more crab legs. My department head said he's never heard of anyone having a crab hangover. Funny.

So yesterday afternoon I get a rumbly feeling in abdominal area. I wait for the BM commencement warning, but then I get the worst farts I have ever smelled. Seriously.

I was appalled. What could possible have crawled up my ass and died to produce that bad of a smell? I made the dog leave the room. Seriously. I let one rip- a loud bap-bap-bap-bap-bap, the dog raised his nose and sniffed in excitement. Instead he sneezed and trotted off into the next room.

Re-Pete, whom I lovingly refer to as the "Up-My-Butt-Baby" was walking right behind me when bap-bap-bap-bap-bap, "Ewwww! Mommy" and then she started wiping her face, like something had gotten on her.

I cracked up again writing this!

Hubba told me if I woke him up tonight he was moving to the couch. He said he hoped he could wake up. We slept with the windows open so I wouldn't poison us both.

I was so disgusted with my self. But, strangely, perversely, proud at the same time.
Who could I share this experience with, someone who could appreciate a good fart? The list is rather short, I'm afraid.

When I woke up this morning, glad I hadn't poisoned myself, I felt better, no ruminations.
Then I got the signal-
BM commencing in 10 ....

Damn. That sucker was impressive. I swear I heard my uterus exclaim,"Who moved out? There's a lot more room in here now"

Suddenly, my stomach is empty and my center of gravity has shifted..


Anonymous said...

... good God, woman.....

Erica said...

Oy. Were you at least blowing them in the general directions of either San Francisco or Cuba?

Omnibus Driver said...