What was in that cold medicine?

Bad news in dream land last night. First it was the alligator's chomping on my feet, then it was the death of friends and getting lost in Atlanta.
This cold simple must go away.

What happened to Chickie?

Crazy women

I was over a Richard's site a minute ago, and came across this story. Now crap like does happen, but sometimes it's the waitresses. Take, for example, this chick who used to work for my husband. Cute, but a little daft. I was pregnant with my oldest, many moons ago, when dear hubby asked me to give this girl a ride home. When I say pregnant, I mean forever pregnant, big as a house pregnant, beached whale pregnant. Here was the conversation we had, more or less:



Her: Do you want to see a picture of my boyfriend?

Me: sure

Her: Shows me a picture of my husband.

Me: Really?

Her: Yeah, but I think he's married.

Me: Why, yes, he is.

Her: Do you know her?

Me: Yes, I do. She's a real bitch.



About that time we get to her house.



Her: Really?

Me: Yes, I'm his wife.



She got out of the car and walked inside quickly. I knew without a doubt he was not that stupid bitch's boyfriend, or anyone else's for that matter. But I was damned if I would ever look at her again.

When I got back home I gave my husband the first of two ultimatums in our life together: either he fired that crazy bitch or I was gone.

Smart man.

I live in Hell

I live in a small town but the small towns to each side of me are slightly larger and each host a Mega Mart. To the East of me is the town I also work in. So when I went shopping at the town West of me this fine Saturday afternoon. What I didn't know, of course, was Saturday is Meeting Day for Families at the local store. There were dozens of families clustering in the middle of the isles, just standing around, running their little mouths about what little Timmy Jr did at school, how Aunt Mary's goiter is growing, does this Mu mu make my ass look big. Right.in.the.middle.of.the.aisle. At one point, after about the 5th time of waiting patiently, I finally said, "Oh for Fuck's sake, could you move?" I got a dirty look, but move they did.

I'm in Hell, I tell you. Paying for all my sins when I was young and carefree.

7,000!

And the winner is....

196.218.147, somewhere in Africa, or Egypt.
Who ever you are-
De-lurk,
De-lurk,
De-lurk!

Thanks everyone, 7k, not bad for a white girl....

What's the Grossest Thing to Ever Come out of Your Dog's Butt?

Or, Lunch Conversations for the Strong of Stomach.


Story 1:
A woman had to alter most clothes she bought because she was so small. She bought a beautiful, pleated wool skirt. She trimmed a two inch strip off the end and hemmed it back up. The dog then ate the 2 by 36 in strip of wool. The next day, she and her husband notice the dog has been outside a long time. They go to investigate and find the dog trying to shit out a 3 foot long turd. The husband steps the end of the strip and slaps the dog on the ass to make him run it out. I can just see me or my dad doing that.

Story 2:
The family boxer eats one of the mother's nylon knee highs. He then proceeds to eat puppy chow all day, filling up said knee high. The dog sleeps in the parent's room, and waits until about 2 am before he begins to yark up the Filled Puppy Chow Sack. The mother thinks the dog is puking up it's intestines and the father just wants it to die.

Story 3
Our dog would steal the diapers out of the trash cans. The nastier the better. Then hide under the bed, on my side, no less, to enjoy his treat. Then, the next day he would take these pearly white turds. He would really have to push those turds out since they were so absorbent and puffed up so easily.

I quit

I told my department head that since our county office/administrator's were going to keep changing the rules and not tell me, and the order that we're doing stuff, and expect all this other shit outta me, then I have had enough. Add that to the yottaPMS (that PMS with 24 zeros added to the end, I'll have you know) AND YOU HAVE A RECIPE FOR DISASTER. I'm drinking Mohito's and if I'm not at work tomorrow it will be because I am still drunk. Sue me and give me a PDP and see if I care! We're having cheesy ravioli's, garlic bread, and chocolate for dinner. In front of the TV, watching chick flicks. No men for miles. And trust me, that's a good thing tonight.

I'm off to kick my (male) dog.

CYA

where work kicks my butt

Spending mucho hours working- in and out of school. Helping 3 other people do their job, plus some stuff that should have already been done. Some of my students are testing their limits, and I'm pretty sure Barney's gonna be an ache in my ass all year. Yay, me.

In other news, Re-Pete is learning about order, so for the last few nights she's taken many things: paint pots, paper, books, markers, etc and lining them up across the couches and floor. She'll randomly pick up stuff around the house and say, "The teacher needs that." And away it goes. I think she's part magpie, part klepto.

We go to see the Boy/Man graduate from Basic in less than a month. I'm so excited. All his teachers want to see him. If you're there, I'll be the one with Puffy-Chest Syndrome and leaky eyes...

Time for bed.

Barney Reincarnate

So there's this boy in my class, he's seriously channeling Barney Fife. I shit you not. Aganthid, eye-bugging, lip-pursing, head-swinging, goofy, long-necked geek. Complete with the blink. AAAANnndddd, his name starts with a B. So I have to be very very careful. But oh, what a challenge.

Crown of Mom

Re-Pete has been developing her drawing skills. She has moved from People D'Penii on to Potato Headdettes. Behold:



See my crown? See what is says? Is that not the best thing you ever saw? I am so lucky!
Lemme go smoochy smoochy those wonderful cheeks a bit more....

Goals

You know, I really like this whole goal-setting thing. Every year us teachers have to declare what we are trying to improve on. This year, I think I'll try to use movie lines and references in my teaching style. Just the other day I told my students about walking in the 100 Acre Wood. One of the students asked me if that was where Robin Hood lived. Of course, I call them Muggles, and talk about my application at Hogwart's. And we get on the Magic school bus in our heads and take a trip to places far and wide. (Remember that I teach High School). I'm terrible at remembering movie lines, so how about you guys leave your favorite movie lines in the comments and I'll see if I can't work them in to next week's lessons.

CYA

Van Morrison Live at Montreux-Tupelo Honey

For Dax, for dancing with The Lovely and Talented Priscilla

I got nothing, I'll just sit here in the corner and sip my beer and watch, thankyouverymuch.

Coler me Not Surprised

so very not Surprised

Your Dominant Intelligence is Logical-Mathematical Intelligence

You are great at finding patterns and relationships between things.Always curious about how things work, you love to set up experiments.You need for the world to make sense - and are good at making sense of it.You have a head for numbers and math ... and you can solve almost any logic puzzle. You would make a great scientist, engineer, computer programmer, researcher, accountant, or mathematician.

http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofintelligencedoyouhavequiz/">What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

Scary shit

A while back, I got to thinking that I don't do enough quality things with my girls. And that makes me feel really guilty, of course. Which makes sense since my mother was Catholic and doled out guilt like peppermint.
I often have dreams to deal with the stuff that floats around in my mind. It's my way of mentally taking out the trash. So this post is about a couple of scary dreams.
As background, Pete was born with intestinal issues (this is a little graphic, but pretty close to what she had) and had to have some surgery right after birth. Her intestines are placed a little different as a result. We have to be careful now what she eats, since gas can be Very Painful for her. She is also a drama queen and prone to theatrics. Sometimes it is hard for me to tell if she is really in pain, or just being a pain in the ass. I feel guilty sometimes for not believing her, but get frustrated when she carries on about every scratch.
I had a dream some time ago that Pete (my oldest girl) had been put in the hospital for some tests. I wasn't worried because I thought the doctors would just find out she had bad gas again. So I went to my meeting, only to get the horrible call. It turns out, in my dream, that she had an intestinal infection that had been undiagnosed and her intestines had burst and she had died. It was horrible. I woke up crying.
The dream faded, only to make a cameo at last night dream. I'm outside, at some function. People are dressed very nice in summery dresses and lightweight slacks. It's some kind of memorial service. Then I remember it's a service to remember our dead children. The American flag is waving in the breeze and I turn to a woman who is crying and say to her, "I know how you feel. When my [Pete] died, I couldn't believe that the flag could even still be raised. I couldn't understand how the clouds could still move. She died of an intestinal infection."
And I woke up crying.

I think I keep dreaming of death and separation because that's what I worry about. My children's health, my husband's health (Please Stop Smoking!!!). I obsess about my husbands' health since both my parents died of smoking related diseases, heart attack and lung cancer (PLEASE PLEASE Stop Smoking).

And so we begin a new year

ugh, very tired, must sleep
Very long 3 days, full of ups and downs, more later

night night

Be careful what you wish for

Pete and Re-Pete went to a young woman's house today. I've known this lady since she was 8. Now she's 22, and has a baby of her own. She watches another infant at home. Some days, she says, she just wishes she had someone to talk to who could answer back.
Well, she got her wish today, in spades. Pete will stand in front of you, and talktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalk until you think your ears will pop off. It's normal, I know, but being on the receiving end of one of her chats some days in mind numbing.

I bet my little Friend will be careful what she wishes next!

Gravity Redeux

Somedays, I just have too much time on my hands....

GRAVITY
With Apologies to John Mayer

Gravity
Is taking a hold of me
And Gravity
is keeping me down
On the Ground

Oh, I’ll never know
What makes a man
Will all the mass
His frame can stand
Dream of ways
To defy the laws of science

Oh Gravity
Is working against me
And gravity
Keeps me falling down
On the ground

Oh twice as much
Will crush a man
And we can’t walk
And we can’t dance
It’s crushing me
It’s gonna create a black hole

Oh, Half as much
Would be so fine
We could jump
so very high
We lose some weight
Without having to exercise

Oh, Gravity
Stay the Hell away from me
Oh, gravity
Especially when I sky dive
I wanna stay alive!
Just keep me where the light is
Just keep me where the mass is
Just keep me where the mass is
C’mon keep me where the mass is
C’mon keep me where the mass is
C’mon keep me where keep me where the mass is

New Orleans Memories

When Hubby and I took our first ever vacation together, alone, with no children, after 17 years of marriage, we went to New Orleans. We tried to listen to jazz, but that just set my teeth on edge. We went to a blues club there, don't remember the name, and this guy was playing guitar with a drummer. He was playing some pretty good blues. He would play his guitar with his tongue and teeth. There was this chick there (with her grandmother, of all things) wha was going crazy over him,gyrating. I seem to remeber her having a feather boa, but maybe I was just drunk. The only one I remember is this one. I checked out a few sites to find it live, found on Youtube.
But I thought the guy was singing
"Beat me, beat me with your black drawers on....
If you don't wear your black drawers, don't wear no drawers at all!"

I kinda like that version a little better.

Sooner or later I'll get off my music posts and get back to other mindless crap,